How to Hold It Together When It All Falls Apart: Surviving a Toxic Open Source Project Without Losin
338 | Fri 01 Aug 3:25 p.m.–3:45 p.m.
Presented by
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Cami Kaos
https://camikaos.com/
Cami Kaos has spent more than a decade wrangling open source communities, moderating mayhem, and gently coaxing chaos into collaboration. She’s led WordPress community efforts, championed DEIB strategies, and survived more Slack threads than is medically advisable. A frequent speaker and mentor, Cami combines strategic know-how with humor, heart, and just enough existential dread to keep things interesting. When not navigating the emotional rollercoaster of community management, she lives and plays in the great city of Portland, Oregon.
Cami Kaos
https://camikaos.com/
Abstract
I love open source. I always have. I’ve spent more than a decade building, managing, and advocating for open source communities—through mentorship, moderation, DEIB strategy, support tickets, and everything in between. It’s been one of the great loves of my career. But at some point, I found myself in a project where the openness was performative, the source of truth was... well, interpretive, and the community slowly, quietly, turned toxic.
This talk isn’t a revenge arc or a cautionary tale told with pitchforks. It’s a survival guide—and a personal one. Inspired in part by Pema Chödrön’s When Things Fall Apart, it’s about finding groundlessness in a place that once felt solid, and learning how to stay present and compassionate even when the community you helped build begins to crumble around you.
We’ll explore:
The subtle warning signs of a community in distress
What “toxic” actually looks like in open source (hint: it’s often quiet and polite)
The emotional labor of community leadership, especially when you’re the one holding everything together
How to create space for your own wellbeing while still honoring your values
And, yes—how to begin again. How to grieve a project, rediscover joy, and fall back in love with open source, on your terms.
If you've ever asked yourself, “Is it me? Or is this project slowly draining the life out of me?”—this talk is for you. Spoiler: It’s not just you. Let’s talk about what happens when things fall apart—and how we hold it together anyway.
I love open source. I always have. I’ve spent more than a decade building, managing, and advocating for open source communities—through mentorship, moderation, DEIB strategy, support tickets, and everything in between. It’s been one of the great loves of my career. But at some point, I found myself in a project where the openness was performative, the source of truth was... well, interpretive, and the community slowly, quietly, turned toxic. This talk isn’t a revenge arc or a cautionary tale told with pitchforks. It’s a survival guide—and a personal one. Inspired in part by Pema Chödrön’s When Things Fall Apart, it’s about finding groundlessness in a place that once felt solid, and learning how to stay present and compassionate even when the community you helped build begins to crumble around you. We’ll explore: The subtle warning signs of a community in distress What “toxic” actually looks like in open source (hint: it’s often quiet and polite) The emotional labor of community leadership, especially when you’re the one holding everything together How to create space for your own wellbeing while still honoring your values And, yes—how to begin again. How to grieve a project, rediscover joy, and fall back in love with open source, on your terms. If you've ever asked yourself, “Is it me? Or is this project slowly draining the life out of me?”—this talk is for you. Spoiler: It’s not just you. Let’s talk about what happens when things fall apart—and how we hold it together anyway.